In order to get to work I have to take the London Underground twice a day. This is what I have learnt so far:
- Don’t make eye contact.
- Walk with purpose.
- Standing between the seats gives you priority on the next one that becomes free.
- There is nothing more awkward than realising that the person next to you is reading erotic fiction on their Kindle.
- Falling in love on the tube is a very real phenomenon (Yes, good looking stranger, I did make eye contact more than once and then look away sheepishly).
- Lesson number 1 will be broken when the whole carriage watches in horror as a hysterically screaming child is dragged along the platform but fails to get on before the doors close. Everyone will exchange smiles and relieved looks.
- The only vocabulary you need while using the Underground is: “Excuse me. Sorry. Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me.”
- The Central Line has an uncanny ability to be replaced by a sauna during heat waves.
- The appropriate response to seeing a man get stuck between the doors is to snigger and then continue reading the paper.
- No, you don’t want to know what that stain is.
- Get used to armpits during rush hour.
- I have yet to work out how the tube that I get at the same time every morning is either so full that I can’t get a seat, or completely empty.
Somehow, despite the fact that it seems to be fashionable to hate the London Underground, I still quite enjoy it although that might change next week when I have to start getting the DLR (Docklands Light Railway). Apparently, a whole new world of hell awaits me.