Dos and Don’ts of Online Dating

I’ve taken to collecting my weird interactions on OkCupid. While by no means the majority there are clearly enough to be notable. Jaimie assures me that this was not the case in Minnesota which brings me to the conclusion that living closer to Canada really does make you more polite, and that Florida is full of weirdos.

Don’t check ‘yes’ to both “Do you believe that contraception is morally wrong?” and “Would you have sex on the first date?” This is how you hear the pitter patter of tiny accidents.

Don’t tell me that you have met a lot of weirdos on the site and then – when pressed as to what kind of weirdos – say, “So many overweight chicks.”

Don’t describe yourself like this guy did:

“im 5’6, 190lbs, im thick and attractive no disappointments. im clean. im very open to new things and cultures.”

I have a few questions here.
1. Where on the scale between skinny and husky is thick? I’m not as rude as the second guy on this list, but can I be the judge on whether your body type is something I’m attracted to?
2. Why do you feel the need to confirm that you are clean? This is more suspicious than it is reassuring.
3. If you are so open to new things, then what have you got against capitalising letters?

Don’t punctuate every other message you send with the phrase “You have beautiful eyes.” Firstly, you can barely see my eyes. Secondly, I think you mean, “You have beautiful eye make-up.” So thank you for that. I am aware that I have a particular set of skills when it comes to liquid eyeliner, you don’t need to tell me twice. And finally, have you not looked at any eye ever? They are all spectacularly beautiful. Eyes look like galaxies! So save us both the hassle and don’t do a ‘Chip’.

Do just be normal. Please!


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