Dear Miami Drivers

To the man who drove across four lanes of traffic to get to a left turn lane already filled with cars and ended up blocking two lanes on Biscayne Boulevard… I hope you appreciated just how hard I honked.

To the woman who decided that she had time to do a U-turn in front of me when I was travelling at 50mph and she was less than 150ft away… I can only come to the conclusion that being so old means that you no longer care about death.

To the truck driver who changed lanes while a tiny hatchback was driving next to it, forcing the other car to swerve violently into the next (fortunately empty) lane… I have never been so close to seeing someone die.

To the person who stopped in the middle of the intersection on East Country Club Drive, reversed into oncoming traffic and then took the turn they had just missed… just watching that knocked two points off of my IQ.

To the cops who overtake me when I’m doing 80 in a 60 zone (and I’m still the slowest car)… we’re cool, right?

To the motorist who signaled right for almost a mile before moving into the left hand lane… I just… what?? Why??

To my parents… do not panic. I have survived everything so far.

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